It Starts Like This: Poetry Collection

About a week ago, I released my poetry collection, and today I hit #1 on Amazon in the Women's Poetry category. I'm so thankful and amazed--it's the best Christmas present I could have received.

If you are interested, you can purchase it on Amazon US or Amazon UK (for other countries just search the name: It Starts Like This).

And my active poetry blog can be found here. Happy Holidays!

Journal

Once I sculpted you out of letters
and carved quotes into your skin
you became every word
I wanted someone to tell me
even if you said it with silence

you let me spill tears on your shoulder
even though it left a stain
and you never forgot a single detail
while I poured my heart out every day
yet I abandoned you as I always do 
when you ran out of space for me
and I realized as I tucked you
behind rows of books on my shelves

that you never asked for my eyes
to spill tears on your corners
and my mind to drip words on each line
I ruined my creation,
my sculpture born of ink,
until I had no more tears left to cry.

Every morning when I open my eyes
I find an empty bed
and I'm always surprised
because all through the night
you never left my head.

I did it.
I wrote 365 poems in (a little longer than) a year.
I am more active on my Tumblr (nothingwithoutwords.tumblr.com) where I grew a bigger audience than I ever thought I would! And soon I'll be releasing a poetry book with my work, so stay tuned!
Thank you for your support this past year,

Leigh 

Day 365

ripping petals off of daisies
is my favorite pastime,
a selfish one for tearing
flowers from their homes
roots clinging to the soil
they are not ready to let go
but I need answers
so I break their beauty
for the truth

he loves me
he loves me not
I chant again and again
surrounded by white petals
and stems
when will I apologize to the earth
for my greedy destruction
because of the truth I already know
(he loves me not).

 

Day 364

I always stare at my feet when I walk
I didn't know what I was looking for
until I almost stepped on a piece of glass
lodged into the carpet
I saw it but that does not mean I stopped

I like patterns
the books on my shelf are ordered by size
and the clothes in my closet by color
I walk one foot in front of the other
so I can be sure I will go where I want to go

I saw a piece of glass lodged into the carpet
but that does not mean I stopped

instead I closed my eyes
and took one more step forward
because I've learned one thing in my way

shouldn't stop me from where I'm going

Day 363

there is a story of mine
I've been wanting to tell
it's written in my head
but my mind
is beginning to swell

it's a story you've heard before
about a girl who is afraid
she stays in her room and
writes poetry about her
longing to be saved

but this one ends a little differently
it's not quite a fairy tale
she never learns the world
is missing her because
she's too afraid to fail.

Day 362

your words pierce my lungs
like nails scraping down a chalkboard
burying themselves in my veins
and leaving scratches on my skin
I try to run from your voice
but sound travels faster than my feet
and besides,
every time I close my eyes
your voice is all I hear
echoing through my brain
like you are standing on top of a mountain
shouting to me at the bottom of a canyon
and I am surrounded by rock walls that have
been perfectly eroding for centuries,
making way for you to dig my grave.

Day 361

my mouth burns after you kiss me
and I don't know what that means
because I thought I loved you

the sky turns blue, orange, scarlet
reflecting off the white snow
in which my toes are buried

my body is shivering and cold
but there is fire on my tongue
and in the dead of winter

after you kiss me
I stand in the numb air exhaling the
smoke you breathed into my lungs.

Day 360

I am alone in my own home
there are others around me
but they are silent
with mouths stitched closed
their eyes tell me
I am not welcome here
and so I go
saying goodbye to the fireplace,
the photos on the mantel,
the grandfather clock that
stopped telling time long ago
and I say hello
to barren streets
that will soon be stained
with my footprints

Day 359

It stings between my fingers
the weathered spots on my skin
where his hands used to live
and every time I think of him
the pain sharpens
and I can feel it on my hands
my neck
my shoulders
my heart
every place he once touched me

he made sure to leave a scar.

Day 358

I saw ground there beneath my feet
but I could not feel it
I was falling one hundred miles
an hour
spinning through darkness
and watching the clouds
above me
swirl into new shapes
and I saw you
leering above me
casting a shadow over me
making my body disappear
so I could not see the next step
in front of my feet
and my fingers grasped for blackness
it was your favorite magic trick
making me disappear
if only you had an audience
to give you the applause
you so desperately craved 

Day 357

you have godly eyes
reminiscent of the sun
drown me in your rays
pierce me with your light

fingertips delicate as lilacs
curl around my wrist
feel my blue veins pulse
as you step closer

shoulders like a brick wall
create a shadow on my face
that protects my body
and fade my scars

but I can't make you happy
you hide my face with yours
not for protection
but for lust

you have no power over me
for my body is not a temple
awaiting your strong arms
I am a match and you are my wood

and I am ready to spread my flames.

Day 356

right now the glass is half full
it is sitting on the counter
sweating down its sides
my fingers curl around it
leaving prints on the glass
meeting my parted lips


now the glass is half empty
and my breath fogs up the sides
and I fear I will see
my own reflection
if I look too close
so my hands let go

now the glass is empty
shattered
I am surrounded by
thousands of fragments
and in each one there
is a reflection of me

I watch droplets of water
spill over the counter top
and form a puddle on the ground
I pick up the pieces
that slice the tips of my fingers
I'm sorry for destroying my reflection.

Day 355

I have ruined all my books
with tear drops
blurring the ink
and staining the pages
and curling the corners

so I'm sorry
to the books
for destroying their pages
you did not deserve
to be ruined
because of the words
within them

Day 354

and if you only knew
how my bones ache for you
I wonder if you would tell me
your body is fragile too

Day 353

at what point will we
realize we're all human with
one heart and two eyes?

Day 352

the rain is falling so fast
that my vision is blurry
but I think
I saw
a glimpse of you
turning the corner

it's funny
you know
how quickly it went from
seeing you everyday
to crossing my fingers
hoping

each time I go outside
I would
perhaps
be lucky enough
to see you
if only for a moment

Day 351

I am surrounded by people
and no one to talk to
I am a brown leaf
in a pile of red and orange
unnoticed and untouched
but look closely and you will see
the hints of color that I once was
before I fell to the ground
and lay there
waiting for someone to pick me up
and admire me
just me
and bring me along
clutched softly
in the palm of their hand

Day 350

there will be words in me
even when my blood runs dry
and my eyes permanently close

words never leave
they never stop running
through my soul

trying to jump from my skin
onto a blank sheet of paper
but they do not all
successfully escape
some will remain within my body
forever pounding on my veins
willing me to set them free

Day 349

wrap me up
in the sounds of your laugh
that comfort me more
than the warmest blanket
and soothe me greater
than the sheets of my bed

I am fragile
in the strong gates
of your arms
and I fear I will crumble
to pieces in your grasp
but then you laugh

and I am no longer afraid
not of you
because how could
an iron statue 
carry the voice of an
angel on its shoulders?

Day 348

I am a word enthusiast

I never tire of making others
feel things by placing
a few words
side-by-side

or creating new worlds
in a few sentences
or bringing visions
to life

I can relive memories
or inspire conversations
with twenty-six letters
and infinite possibilities

I am a word enthusiast

I find stories in things
that cannot speak
for themselves
and I write it for the world

Day 347

today I noticed I am a lot
like the moon
ignored and unexplored when
I am barely there
just a sliver in the darkness


but when I am at my best
full and vibrant
that is when I am noticed
that is when the wolves howl
to feel alive

Day 346

yesterday I woke up tired
it hurt to open my eyes
and so I went back to sleep
and when I woke up again
the sun was disappearing
and I lived in the darkness

today I woke up sad
but I pushed myself to
get up and get dressed 
and it hurt at first
but then I smiled at the sun
and I walked in its rays

tomorrow I'll wake up happy
and if not tomorrow
then maybe the next day
or maybe it will take me
a week or a month
but I'll get there

Day 345

I am not made of glass
I am made of words

take a step back
or when my body crumbles

you will be engulfed
by pieces of my soul

drowning in
syllables and haikus

but soon you will be
surrounded by new faces

and unimaginable places
you can be the main character

in all my broken poetry
and then you will regret

ever trying to
break me 

Day 344

the tips of my fingers
were carved
to write sweet words
on blank pages

but I am tired
of all the love poems
my heart insists
on pouring out

I pour water
over my bleeding hands
to wash away
all the empty words

while a blank page
stares me in the eye
beckoning me
to pick up my pen

you think you know
what I am made of
but I am not afraid
to try something new

Day 343: Heart and Soul

after all this time I thought it was just my heart
that hurt and
could be broken
but today I felt something
deeper
behind my heart
and my lungs

I think maybe
it was my soul

it started as a dull ache
in my ribs
and tightened my lungs
so my breaths became short
and then I swear
I felt you in my body
knocking on my heart
as if to say

I'm never letting
you go

Day 342

I know what it does to you
to watch him love another
but keep your head up

don't let anyone see you looking down
or another boy will swoop in
and help you off the ground

Day 341

tonight
you fell asleep on my chest
and I became conscious
of every breath

watching my chest rise and fall
and feeling so loved
that you trusted me
with such an innocent task
of being your resting place
your home for slumber
and I will slow my heart's rhythm
so you can focus on your dreams
and if a nightmare creeps
into your mind
just open your eyes
and feel my heart beating close to yours

Day 340

you saw a perfect heart
to break
and went after it like prey
biting deep into my skin
and watching the blood
seep from my veins
even then I still trusted you
and isn't that a shame
because you watched
me slowly hate myself
though you were the one
to blame 

Day 339

a lot of the time
I can occupy myself
enough to push you

out of my head and
write about the sky or the
birds singing their song

but then I find you
in the clouds and hear the birds
chirping your name and

I am right back to
where I began, writing love
poems about you

Day 338

my mind yearned for something greater
than what I could see
with my own eyes
and everyday I thought
there was something wrong with me
because I was not happy in this life

where an abundance of food grows
yet children starve
where the innocent are killed
by hatred and war
where unarmed men
are shot down on busy roadways

my mind yearned for something greater
than this cycle of ignorance and hate
but as far as my eyes can see
we live in a world
where people are not people
until they fit your perfect mold

Day 337

I remember those nights I awoke from nightmares, my sheets damp from sweat yet my body shivered like I had just finished an ice bath. My teeth would chatter and I'd scan my bedroom for the monsters, finding crazy-shaped heads in the shadows and green eyes peeking out from closed closet doors. I would slowly, carefully step out of bed so as not to wake them and sprint to my parent's bedroom telling my seven-year-old self, don't look back. I would traipse over to my parent's bed and squirm in between them, and it was in the warmth of familiar faces that I could fall back asleep within seconds.

But something changes when you get older. I've learned monsters are not shadows in the dark nor are they nightmares that disappear when the sun rises. You can't just wake up and find yourself back in your own bed anymore. They are within you and they are wherever you look. You may even get a better night's sleep now because for you, seven hours of closed eyes means seven hours of escape.

But don't push the monsters away.
Let them free.
Let them out of your mind, your blood, your bones.
Write.

Day 336

you only see me with
rose-colored glasses
I am here
though I am not heard

and once you take them off
you will see all of me
every layer from
scarred skin to tired bones

down to the

blood coursing through my veins
and you will know how long
I have ached for your

eyes to pierce my skin
to finally see who I am
and not who you want me to be
and to make me whole again

Day 335

whoever says silence is not a sound
has never been alone for so long
that they write a song to the
beat of their own heart
or memorize the
rhythm of their breathing

only then
amidst utter silence
can you close your eyes
and hear a symphony

Day 334

it is a new day
and so there is new light
casting shadows on my wall

the drapes are drawn
yet yellow and white light
pours through floral curtains


I make shapes out of the
shadows camouflaged in the
corners of my bare walls




creating people I have never seen
and places I have only
dreamed of

Day 333

there is so much that I haven't done
all the things I've read about in books
like laughing so hard I start to cry
or making someone's heart stop
when they look at me
or maybe swimming out past the buoys
beyond the breaking point of the waves
where some say the water is so calm
it feels like silk on your fingertips

there is so much that I haven't done
and so much to look forward to

and so here's to another day of
not giving up

Day 332

there is glass beneath
my skin trying to break through
porcelain windows

and I feel no pain
numb to the sharp edges that
used to make me bleed

but there will be a scar
a reminder of a war 
I fought with myself

and won

Day 331

If there is no one
around to hear my cries am
I really weeping?

Day 330

you were an illusion
from the beginning
reminiscent of a dream
but in reality a nightmare
created from serenity

a field of lilacs
all in my head

and I believed myself

but the real you
soon became clear to me
when I really looked
and your eyes were not
green but a blackhole
that dared to pull me in
if I saw you any longer

Day 329

look again
but this time
really see me

see the sadness
hiding shyly
behind my smile

and the mangle of
brown hair I use to cover
tear-stained eyes

look at me
then look again
and really see me



so I don't have to beg
for you to notice
my plea

Day 328

I have never known a sweeter sound
than your laughter
maybe they are right when they say
laughter is the best medicine
because when I hear that glorious sound
my sadness melts away
like a spoonful of sugar on my tongue
and I am sure that if I heard
your laugh everyday
I could never be unhappy again

Day 327

the moonlight casts a shadow over him
a sliver of ivory that drowns his features

he is surrounded by pitch black
but his eyes shine through any darkness

like lasers they pierce my soul
and I can feel myself growing weaker

he is love and hatred in one body
and while I lust for his gaze

he steals my soul with an open hand
and there is no chance of its return

Day 326

I am laying in my bed
staring up at the ceiling
all too often
I look for shapes in the shadows
on the walls
when I used to love finding
shapes in the clouds

I am laying in my bed
immovable in a solace of warmth
and protection
underneath blankets
and cotton sheets
remembering how I used
to crave the warmth of sun's rays

I am laying in my bed
wondering how
daylight now scares me
more than the monsters
that used to come alive in darkness
how each day is now a fire
I must pray for the strength to smother

Day 325

I laugh when I think about you
having no clue that your words
still slice through my ears
and reverberate through my skull
how you sleep soundly at the dead of night
sprawled out under a blanket of silence
while I drift off to the soothing
pain of sobs escaping my lips

And so I laugh while I carve poetry
out of the pieces of my heart
that were left on the ground
and though you were the one who
placed them there I must
thank you for stepping carefully
over them on your way out
so the pieces did not shatter 

Day 324

It was her walk that destroyed me
the confidence in her stride
eyes that read every inch of my body
in one glance

It was her eyes that stripped me
of my own self-love
the disgust on her face reaching
through my skin to the bone

It was her smile that melted me
a half-moon upon bitter lips
a pitying shake of the head
that molded me into a beggar

It was her hair that captured me
dark brown rope circling around my body
like a snake attacking its prey
and I was hers for the taking

Day 323

the broken walk among the healed
with pretend smiles and sunken eyes

camouflaged among one another
you must look closely for the

open wounds and hidden scars
limping walks and confident strides

the dead walk among the living
for the chance to become whole again

Day 322

bones fracture with too much pressure
as do hearts without enough love
and I think I heard a whimper escape my lips
when you broke mine

though years have passed
I can taste your perfume just by looking at
the empty side of our bed
but there are things I'm starting to forget

like how many freckles adorned your cheeks
and the way your hair fell when you sleep
these things I thought were permanent
memories in my brain

have fluttered away from my mind
like red leaves on the trees in autumn
until they are swept up by the wind's caress
and float gracefully to the ground

Day 321

when did you turn to dust
gently soaring through the air
hiding in the glare of sunlight
and forging a home on every surface

what were you before you were ash
burning on a stone hearth
a remembrance of the unknown
a reminder of the words you've burned

who were you before you were broken
when your dreams still opened your eyes 
and you danced through each day on tiptoes
and broke through the darkest shadows

Day 320

the day she
        fell
in love with him

she too
       fell
in love with regret