Day 365

ripping petals off of daisies
is my favorite pastime,
a selfish one for tearing
flowers from their homes
roots clinging to the soil
they are not ready to let go
but I need answers
so I break their beauty
for the truth

he loves me
he loves me not
I chant again and again
surrounded by white petals
and stems
when will I apologize to the earth
for my greedy destruction
because of the truth I already know
(he loves me not).

 

Day 364

I always stare at my feet when I walk
I didn't know what I was looking for
until I almost stepped on a piece of glass
lodged into the carpet
I saw it but that does not mean I stopped

I like patterns
the books on my shelf are ordered by size
and the clothes in my closet by color
I walk one foot in front of the other
so I can be sure I will go where I want to go

I saw a piece of glass lodged into the carpet
but that does not mean I stopped

instead I closed my eyes
and took one more step forward
because I've learned one thing in my way

shouldn't stop me from where I'm going

Day 363

there is a story of mine
I've been wanting to tell
it's written in my head
but my mind
is beginning to swell

it's a story you've heard before
about a girl who is afraid
she stays in her room and
writes poetry about her
longing to be saved

but this one ends a little differently
it's not quite a fairy tale
she never learns the world
is missing her because
she's too afraid to fail.

Day 362

your words pierce my lungs
like nails scraping down a chalkboard
burying themselves in my veins
and leaving scratches on my skin
I try to run from your voice
but sound travels faster than my feet
and besides,
every time I close my eyes
your voice is all I hear
echoing through my brain
like you are standing on top of a mountain
shouting to me at the bottom of a canyon
and I am surrounded by rock walls that have
been perfectly eroding for centuries,
making way for you to dig my grave.

Day 361

my mouth burns after you kiss me
and I don't know what that means
because I thought I loved you

the sky turns blue, orange, scarlet
reflecting off the white snow
in which my toes are buried

my body is shivering and cold
but there is fire on my tongue
and in the dead of winter

after you kiss me
I stand in the numb air exhaling the
smoke you breathed into my lungs.

Day 360

I am alone in my own home
there are others around me
but they are silent
with mouths stitched closed
their eyes tell me
I am not welcome here
and so I go
saying goodbye to the fireplace,
the photos on the mantel,
the grandfather clock that
stopped telling time long ago
and I say hello
to barren streets
that will soon be stained
with my footprints

Day 359

It stings between my fingers
the weathered spots on my skin
where his hands used to live
and every time I think of him
the pain sharpens
and I can feel it on my hands
my neck
my shoulders
my heart
every place he once touched me

he made sure to leave a scar.

Day 358

I saw ground there beneath my feet
but I could not feel it
I was falling one hundred miles
an hour
spinning through darkness
and watching the clouds
above me
swirl into new shapes
and I saw you
leering above me
casting a shadow over me
making my body disappear
so I could not see the next step
in front of my feet
and my fingers grasped for blackness
it was your favorite magic trick
making me disappear
if only you had an audience
to give you the applause
you so desperately craved 

Day 357

you have godly eyes
reminiscent of the sun
drown me in your rays
pierce me with your light

fingertips delicate as lilacs
curl around my wrist
feel my blue veins pulse
as you step closer

shoulders like a brick wall
create a shadow on my face
that protects my body
and fade my scars

but I can't make you happy
you hide my face with yours
not for protection
but for lust

you have no power over me
for my body is not a temple
awaiting your strong arms
I am a match and you are my wood

and I am ready to spread my flames.

Day 356

right now the glass is half full
it is sitting on the counter
sweating down its sides
my fingers curl around it
leaving prints on the glass
meeting my parted lips


now the glass is half empty
and my breath fogs up the sides
and I fear I will see
my own reflection
if I look too close
so my hands let go

now the glass is empty
shattered
I am surrounded by
thousands of fragments
and in each one there
is a reflection of me

I watch droplets of water
spill over the counter top
and form a puddle on the ground
I pick up the pieces
that slice the tips of my fingers
I'm sorry for destroying my reflection.

Day 355

I have ruined all my books
with tear drops
blurring the ink
and staining the pages
and curling the corners

so I'm sorry
to the books
for destroying their pages
you did not deserve
to be ruined
because of the words
within them